Not Like Everyone Else

I regret the things that I'm not used to.

I don't know the reason why I'm not like everyone else. But, that's me. I don't feel sorry for the past incidents that have occured in my life. I did feel sort of regretting because they happened but there's nothing I can do now to back them up. 

Things I have missed out, things I have done, things I should have said  and things that I should have done.

I'm afraid to express my love for someone. I know I should have said it if the feelings are real. But, that's not me. And my heart keeps saying...

"...I wish you were not leaving because I love you.."

Funny how things work out now.

And I'm sorry if anyone ever wanted me to express things that they thought of deserving to hear. I never told anyone about this but there were times when I tried to be expressive about feelings and it turned me down real good. I got escalated very quickly and made a promise to never or be wary of what I'm about to tell how I'm feeling about them. You know, just to protect my heart as well as theirs.

I'm only highlighting about love because I know this is my greatest fear when it comes to involving feelings. 

It'd Kill

Have you ever felt like every thing that you do will never be enough to get recognition but when someone else does it, they get it just the way you do as well?

I know it's a long question but well. We all have gone through a phase when we wanted to be recognized, to be mentioned. Because we believe we deserved it more than any one else. 

Two important things, folks! Maybe what we did is never enough. We should penetrate situations and conditions deeper to be seen by the respective parties. You know boss, friends, lovers or whatever you want to get recognition or attention from. Or maybe, (just maybe) they never care about you. You are like disposal tissues, wipe and need to be thrown away immediately hahahaha. You need to evaluate where you stand.

Second, just don't think about pleasing people at all. You know if you have had it enough before this, why should you try even harder? You will end up feel the way you felt before. So, just stop. You're hurting yourself. You don't deserve that, no one in the world deserves that. You shouldn't feel sad for not getting recognition, you know. I can guarantee you that there are people out there who love you even if you're not pleasing them. 

Just stop! Stop hurting yourself, stop feeling bad for not trying hard. Stop pleasing people. Appreciate them, not please. They are two different things, bringing almost the same meaning. But, different. 

Talking from my experience? Yes, and it's still something that I'm struggling with. 

"Dah tu apa pasal nak nasihat orang?" Eh sebok la kaw! Blog aku, suka aku lah.

A Blessed Life

There are many things that I should be grateful to have these days. I keep looking up to my friends and say that they are so blessed with everything that Allah has showered, you know. But, one thing I failed to realize is that what I have gotten in life. I failed to realize what I have been through, what I have been given and what I have been blessed with.

One thing that I'm so grateful is that now I'm living a good life. I have always loved listening to working people saying " Mewah la gaji aku untuk orang bujang" when I was still a student. You know, how great it would be to have money. It's not only about the money that we have but the stability is what we need. I still remember it clearly, I once asked my lecturer about his pay and he said it is more than enough for a single to live a life.

Well, now I'm living it! And, it's totally worth the time I spent working as an accounts assistant and a part-time tutor that I could save hundreds per month.

#kiramewahlahuntukorangbujang

Lost Soul

May peace be upon you.

This is going to be a short update. Well, life is good, Alhamdulillah. I am so busy with life subhanallah, I can't complain, you know, with everything Allah has decreed for me.

First of all, I would like to say a few things so that you guys can get something from of what I am going to say. I have been pondering with many aspects of life these days. Some that gave me a real slap of reality I needed. I don't really know how to say this without trying to sound like I am judging our ummah but this is something that I learnt and thought of sharing with the people that I love the most and that's our ummah. I am not a good muslim, please don't judge me because if you really wanna know the beauty of Islam, learn the holy scripture, Quran and not its believers.

I really don't know how to say this but here we go. I am just a human who constantly makes mistakes eventho I sought refuge and forgiveness from Allah over and over again. Coming to the important part of this post, we don't have much power and hold to say that we are practicing Muslims if we get inspired by others but not Allah and our Prophet Muhammad SAW. I am not criticizing anyone as I clearly talk about myself, for me to realize and for you to think.

How many times do we get inspired by songs when Allah sends us the Quran? How many times do we thank our idols for showing the best of manners when Allah sends Prophet Muhammad as the best example for ummah and all humanity? How many times do we sing any songs in a day but we tend to forget to recite the Quran to save us from Jahannam? How many times do we thank the creation than its Creator? How many times do we text our friends to say hello but we forget to even remember our late relatives who had passed away, waiting for our "hello" by reciting Al-Fatihah.

Allahu, I can continue because I am currently contemplating with these sorts of things. We tend to overlook things which are far more important. I could say that we, Muslims always believe that people who don't have faith are programmed. Look at ourselves, and yes, we pray five-time a day but are we really satisfied with our prayers? Are you satisfied enough to make salah as the only entertainment in your life? Do you thank Allah for blessing you with a great state of mind?

Now, I will say a few things about me. Don't worry! I will talk about myself but please reflect if these are closely related with your life.

I pray 5-time a day. No intention to be riak or whatsoever, please get my point. Please.. But, I still listen to musics and get motivated and inspired by them. I still watch wrestling to entertain myself.

What entertains you more? Music or salah? What takes most of your time? Watching wrestling or salah? You see, this may sound harsh but whether you want to believe it or not, this is the system of Dajjal.

So, are we programmed too? I know you have the answer within yourself.

Sometimes, you feel like you want to return to your deen, you want to have the mercy of Allah, you just want to have faith in Allah for everything. But, you gotta try!

We are mukmins, we are believers, we believe in Allah and the messanger, Prophet Muhammad SAW. And Allah has put that fire inside of your heart that you wanna leave sin, you wanna return to Allah. Especially, when you are so depressed and you feel like you are gonna have no way out of your problems, you need to search deep within yourself and find that fire and light it. You need to understand that Allah blesses us with every single faculty that we need to endure pain, to succeed, to go away from shaytan and gives us guidance for strategy to live the way that pleases Him. Light that fire!

This world is not a game.

لَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنسَانَ فِي أَحْسَنِ تَقْوِيمٍ

(We have created humans in the best of forms)

#reminderforall
#wearenotperfect
#servantsofAllah

Employment :)

Hello there! XD 

Finally, I have been employed by a company. Yayy!

So, basically this is week number 2. I started working on Wednesday, 16th March 2016. Well, working is fine. The environment is so freaking fine! Hahaha. Actually, the reason why I am writing this entry is because I really want to share about my experience getting interviewed by a few of the companies that I applied through Jobstreet. Without a doubt, one of the things that I believe, grew me to be a little bit wiser. So, let's get it started, shall we?

I shall not mention any company's name. Yer lah takut tetiba unemployed pulak nanti lulz! But, I have pictures that I will be sharing soon so here comes the storyyyyyy.

I was scheduled to be on four different interviews in a week. Every thing was pretty messed up at first because I know that I have to dig what I really want to go after in life and then, these opportunities came along. I was feeling blessed to have had the chance to sit still and think deeply about which one should I pick out of these four places that I was offered its employment. Plus, having kind-hearted friends who constantly giving out their best thoughts and undivided attention in helping me making decisions. It was tough especially when these four places required me to commence immediately. 

I am not gonna lie but I kinda like an interview where there should be a necessary assessment before the interview session takes place. Simply like they are giving you a set of questions to be answered prior interview session. Like this one right here! :P

Aced it! I was offered with a 6-month employment contract as I would be assigned to deal with workloads and duties of a pregnant woman because she will be on her maternity leave. But, the bad news is that I had to reject this one! Harharhar but they are willing to pay big bucks though, the highest salary offered. I really like interviews, I do not know why. It is the only time when you will get to market and sell yourself. Give them reasons why they should hire you. I seriously do not like to be too formal, well-organized with interviews. For me, it is when you get to be yourself. You get to promote your skills without any impromptu "interview pack" starter. Do you get what I am saying? There are no lists of example of interview questions and their suggested answers, no preparation, you just go! I did not prepare anything, as a matter of fact, I did not prepare myself to answer any tests beforehand. But still, I slayed them all! Muahaha..

Nonetheless, I chose this one company and it is located at Axiata Tower, KL Sentral. 

I am probably gonna share about the environment in the office only. It is very different from what I have experienced during my stay at Khidmatax Consultant. Have you ever watched the movie "Internship"?. Yeah, sort of like that. My workplace is on level 18 (oh god, I have been dreaming this for years haha) and I am an accounts assistant. I do not think I want to explain further about my job scopes but in case you guys ever wonder about it and I know, you guys always do so, I provide you this.

            

Alright, now let's talk about the environment. I have mentioned previously about the movie, The Internship (Google interns not the old intern one). Every time you walk in the building, people often greet you with "Good Morning", "Hello", "Bye" just to name a few. It is so sweet at first but when it happens to have more than 10 people greeting, suddenly it becomes so awkward. I will have to put on a fake smile greeting them as well "Good Morning" until I reach at my work station hahaha. They are too friendly and I do not like friendly people. It is because when you decide to leave, you will have to consider their feelings because they are being too nice. I fail in dealing with my own emotional intelligence so maybe I will just be working here until the day I die. 

I really need to reconsider back what is the best for me. I know that I want to become a chartered accountant one day but working here, eventhough the environment is amazingly superb, I do not see me becoming an accountant in the future. I might end up becoming an accounts manager or senior executive and I know even to be a manager, it will take my time about 5-7 years. That is why I need to make decision as soon as possible because as far as my dream is concerned, working here would just not do it. I need more set of skills, chase better opportunities and look forward to prospering my accounting knowledge and other general familiarity in this field.  

I am not saying that working here has nothing to do with accounting treatments whatsoever. Even now I am learning and getting to learn new terms I have never heard before like managers' overrides (even til today I have no idea what the hell is overrides), released bond etc. And my job mainly deals with "for the week ended" financial period so every thing is in hurry. I can feel the pressure every week especially on Wednesdays and Thursdays.

I hardly think that I am going to take this job seriously. Every one has their own dreams that they want to chase after. But, this job is my first ever! I have to make a career out of this, make a living. I love every one in the office, I love Adam, he is a nice guy. I love my colleagues, they are amazingly good people, I love my work station, I love the coffee machine because it serves the best coffee I ever tasted in life, I love it when every one greets in the morning, it just never stops! I love them guys, they are retarded chumps. I love the pantry because I get to eat cookies any time I want.

Well, Adam is my boss. Whenever we address him with "boss", he will reply "It's Adam". And I remember that I bumped into him one time, in an opposite direction, he said "After you, mate". He is so down to earth.

My desk..

To be honest, the first 2 days were rather exhausting. It is simply because I was not ready to be working. And seeing my friends who are already employed and I am financially unstable, I think that I might do something about it. I should! And I did now. The question always remains whether have I made the right decision? Is this how I grow my career? 

New Joiners. 

I do not have the answer now. If it were to be answered hastily, I would be staying here until my probation ends. Or until the end of this year. Then, I will seek for better opportunities afterwards. I know everyone would question the same thing. Why would I quit? All I can say right now is that I do not see it. I could give this workplace, the environment, benefits and everything but I do not see the fact that I am employed here will bring me to the finish line that I have always wanted to achieve. 

My colleagues are nice. I have been working here for 2 weeks and a half now and they have shown me nothing but unwavering friendship. I do not like to get attached to someone because I know that it will somehow affect my decisions once I have decided to look for a better workplace in enhancing my set of skills. If I told this to anyone out there, they would not see the solid reason why I need to reconsider back my decision. All they would suggest is asking me to stay a little bit longer. That is definitely not what I feel right now. I believe only certain people with the same vision as me will see this clearly.

And when they get stressed out over the workloads, they will yell "Rahmat, apa awak buat ni?". I did not do anything though, it is probably just their own dramatic way to get over themselves. They are crazy! I try to remain positive every time. Whatever the situation and circumstances are, I will keep fighting. Until there is nothing left in me, then I will think about the next step I am going to take. Whatever it is, I still go to work as usual. Because in order to have money, one has to work. Hahaha. I do not know when is it going to be my last day but as for now, I do not feel like I should stop working. Let's continue working, make money. 

A place where everyone can have a moment away from work. Its pantry literally has everything. Even the vending machine and it only costs RM1 for all canned drinks. 

But, best things in life are free, right? So, I love the coffee machine. It is amazing to have tasted various types of coffee. I like the taste of Hazelnut by the way. :P

     

An amazing view from the pantry.

I am at a point in my life where I believe that Allah gives me what I need instead of letting me have what I want. So, let the chip fall where it may. If He wants to give what I want in life, sure it will happen. Sooner or later! :)

Till then, 
Assalamualaikum.

Rahmat, 02:02:31 am.